Today I Start a New Chapter
What the heck did I do?
I have been writing for a long time. It's been a lot longer than I have been a grandmother, that is for sure. But the one part that felt missing to me was a connection to why I wrote. I had kept journals my entire life. These were personal. Writing was therapy for me.
When I became a mother, I was overwhelemed often. Journals stopped; I did not have time.
At one point, while my two littles were napping (they were both under three), I spent my time creating a watercolor-illustrated book for them. It never got published, but it was also therapy for me.
It wasn’t that good. The art was childish and basic. But it brought me so much joy and purpose during those long hours as a stay-at-home mom before the internet and social networking. I did not have a community at that time. I felt very alone. Becoming a mom at 21 and again at 23 can do that to someone —and, for sure, it did to me.
I did not have blogs to read, YouTube to watch, or people to follow; I just had my wondering mind. I often thought, “What the heck did I do?”
Fast forward over 30 years, and I have been writing again. I have spent the last few years developing a writing career so I will have something to fall back on when I retire. I already have a vibrant career in higher education, but that wasn’t (or isn’t) enough.
Our children are grown and starting their own families. And yes, I have become a grandmother. That title alone has instilled fear in me. I am too young. Again, I stand at the crest of “What the heck did I do?”
But this time, it is very different. When I get to spend time with my grandchildren, my mind is not all caught up in the craziness of being a mother. I'm not focused on figuring out how I am going to help these little ones make it through life.
I get to enjoy them and their wonder. I get to see life through their eyes…and it is terrific.
And that is where I stand. I have taken a lesson from them. I am embracing my inner child who had been locked down for a long time, because let’s be real, I had to be an adult.
I have read thousands of children’s books to my children, students, and grandchildren, looking at the illustrations and thinking, “I could do that.”
Well, here I am. Trying. And for me, trying is the whole point. And possibly the answer to the question, “What the heck did I do?”
Well, I tried.
If anything else, I make a promise to myself (and my grandchildren) to try. What’s the harm? I can delete my Substack profile if I get laughed at…and no one will know the difference, right?
So I sign off today with my favorite name, my Grandma name, as my byline:
~Bippy
